Decisons, Decisions...

So this is the scoop... I limped around Maui... I've been limping around work... And it comes down to this... The sesamoid bone is fractured. 

• Fracture. A chronic fracture (break) in a sesamoid bone.
  • A chronic fracture is a stress fracture (a hairline break usually caused by repetitive stress or overuse). A chronic sesamoid fracture produces longstanding pain in the ball of the foot beneath the big toe joint. The pain, which tends to come and go, generally is aggravated with activity and relieved with rest.
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    So what does this mean? Well...

    
    

    My doctor says this, I need to walk with a normal gait (focus on not turning over my foot to protect the area that hurts) or wear a boot (which is sitting in my office under my desk currently unused). His recommendation is rest, allowing the foot to heal.

    
    

    My question to a few of the therapists that I work with... 

    
    

    What is the worst that can happen now if I keep running through the race season and rest in October? They both warned against it but did say that yes, the bone is already broken... It could potentially just be a whole lotta pain. But it could also cause additional harm because "you don't know what your foot will do to compensate" and worst say scenario that foot won't heal on its own later resulting in surgery. 

    
    

    But it boils down to this... What am I feeling? Taking away running from me means more than just not running a few races... It's my sanity. It's my stress relief from a very, very demanding job. It's my chance to get everything off my plate. It's my peace. Without it, for the last two days, my mornings routine is off, my house feels like a disaster, I'm not on point at work, I'm a grumpy mom and less-than-loveable wife... My fears? I'll lose my sponsors and I'll turn into a giant, messy, unorganized asshole. 

    
    

    So you ask... What is my plan? I think I'm running until October, focusing on icing, wrapping and babying my foot when I am not running, taking my ibuprofen as I need it, eating well and putting everything I have into these next 18 weeks and the taking the winter off, well on my spinning bike... Do I know this is crazy and probably quite stupid? Yes. But it's something I have to feel out. 

    
    

    So end of story, tomorrow I run... And decide is CrossFitting will also be added to my routine.